Tasks I accomplished before noon today:

  • Took the dog outside to poop.
  • Cleaned poop off of my bare foot.
  • Cleaned poop off of the hardwood floor.
  • Changed 2 poopy diapers.
  • Wiped poop off of Oliver’s limp leg.
  • Washed poop off of the oriental rug.
  • Cleaned poop off of the grass in the yard.
  • Called the Vet to discuss the current volume of poop in my life.
  • Called Scott at work to shoot the shit.
  • Drank a cup of coffee and pondered my college education.
  • Made a decision to outsource the poop responsibilities and drafted a help wanted ad for Craigslist.  Compensation commensurate with experience.  EOE