…don’t blog anything at all.

That’s the mantra I’ve been repeating for the past few weeks. I think it’s just the Holiday getting to me.  It shouldn’t be this way.  My daughter is going to be so much fun on Christmas morning.  And really, the holiday is only what you make of it.   I am just incredibly sad about missing another Christmas with my family in New England.  The second in a row.  The second in 29 years.  It’s always hard being far away from home, but especially around this time of year.

As much as I love the thought of Addie waking up in her own bed on Christmas morning I can’t help but feel a little pang of regret that she won’t be opening gifts with her cousins.  I feel like I’m robbing her of all of the fun and chaos that is such a huge part of Christmas with my family.  I miss the snow.  I miss opening up our Christmas pajamas from Mom and arguing with my sister over who got the nicer pair.  I miss wrapping gifts with my sister until all hours of the night on Christmas Eve.  I miss watching Scott and Ted fight with toy packaging and batteries.  I miss drinking all the Christmas dinner wine on Christmas Eve and trying to find an open package store on Christmas Morning.  I miss torturing the kids by making them wait upstairs on Christmas morning until everyone downstairs is ready with their coffee and their cameras.  And I miss our annual scratch-a-mania on Christmas afternoon where we sit around the table making deals and scratching off lottery tickets from my Dad.  Scratch-a-mania is just not the same over the phone.  I know.  I did it last year.

I’m just being selfish though.  I need to start turning all of this negativity into positive energy to focus on having a great holiday with my family right here.   I want to celebrate this family that Scott and I have built together.  I want to start new traditions for my family to make great memories for Addison.  Mostly, I need to set aside my selfishness and give my daughter the magical Christmas that she deserves.  I better find a way to turn my attitude around fast.