Some days are just so colossally bad that I just have to laugh about them.  Or cry.  Either way I need to put it out there into the universe so I’m not the only person carrying the burden of the day.  If I weren’t able to talk about the bad days, just like I talk about all of the good days, well…surely I would go crazy and drop Addison off at the Fire Station on my way to Mexico.  It’s a safe haven, don’t you know?   The Fire Station.  And Mexico too, come to think of it.

Today was one of those days.  It was one of those days that I really question my decision to be a stay-at-home-Mom.  Not because my kid has a big personality and I can’t handle it.  That’s not the case at all.  I’ve been wondering lately if we’ve come to the point where Addison needs more than she’s getting at home.  I think she needs more stimulation throughout the day.  I love playing with my kid and do, all day long.  That does not change the fact that we only have so many toys in the toy bucket and Addison can only play with them so many times.  I get tired of hearing the same songs, reading the same book and playing with the same toys over and over again.  It would be wrong of me to expect any different of her.  I am running out of ways to keep her hands busy and her brain stimulated for 13 hours a day.  There are only so many walks around the neighborhood and trips to Target we can take.   But I’m selfish and have attachment issues so there’s no way I’ll do anything about it any time soon; like get a part-time job and put her in daycare.

Today was one of those days where we just couldn’t get it together.  It was one of those days when Addison walked around naked, crying.  Naked because my hands wouldn’t work fast enough to dress her while she was standing still.  Which wasn’t for long.  It seems easy enough, dressing an infant, but sometimes this infant is too strong for her own good and if she doesn’t want to sit on the bed while you put her feet into pants, well then, she’ll just jump right off.  Head first.

Today was one of those days that I made excuses for my daughter’s behavior all morning long.  I told myself,  ‘she can’t possibly be acting like this unless something was wrong.  It must be her teeth.  Yes, that’s it….a tooth is ripping her gums wide open and she’s unreasonable because of it.  Wouldn’t I be unreasonable under those circumstances?’  After the Tylenol and the teething tablets and the Oragel did nothing but piss her off and numb her tongue, I started telling myself she must have an ear infection.  Or a stomach flu.

And then I got real.  I stopped making excuses and told myself that this is just my child, having a bad day and I, in turn, was having a bad day right along with her.  Since I’m the one that’s supposed to be holding our shit together all day, this didn’t make for very good times.

Today is one of those days when I will watch the clock and count down to bed time, looking forward to tomorrow, vowing to try to make it a better day.

<end pity party>

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