The weekend was good.  Not just good, it was pretty damn incredible.  I needed this weekend to remind me of why we moved to Texas in the first place.  Sometimes all of that gets lost in day-to-day life.  Of course, the parts that weren’t spent listening to amazing music and laughing with great friends were spent worrying about Addie Baby.  I think I need to get over myself and realize that just because I care for her all day every day, doesn’t mean that I’m the only one who can do it.  Scott did an amazing job taking over this weekend.  He walked in from work on Friday and I threw him a baby and ran out the door.  When I came home on Sunday morning I found myself deferring to him when it came to all things Addie related.  It was like I was walking in on a movie already in progress and needed some time to figure out the plot and bring myself up to speed.

I wanted this weekend to take some time off, recharge, and hopefully come back home refreshed and ready to be a better Mom to Addison.  What I found out was that I am always a Mom. I can never turn that off.  Even when I’m not directly responsible for Addison for a day, I’m always thinking of her and worrying about her and fussing over her.  Fussing from 150 miles away.  I made too many phone calls home to check in and peppered Scott with too many questions about how they were managing.  It’s what I do; I fuss.  I know that everything runs better when I don’t fuss.  When I step out of the situation and look at the big picture – Addison is happy, and healthy and safe – and I don’t worry about all the little details, everyone is a lot happier.  Still, it doesn’t stop me.

I should have been placated the first time I called and Scott said, “Everything’s fine.” but that wasn’t good enough for me.  I needed to know what he meant by “fine” and also what was Addison eating?  And had she napped?  And what outfit was she wearing?  And what about the poop?  WHAT IS THE CURRENT POOPING SITUATION?  In other words: fuss, fuss, fuss, fuss, fuss.  As if I could have done something about it from my location.  If he had said, “Well, no, as a matter of fact there has been no poop today.” what would I have done?  Hopped in my car and driven home to check things out?  No.

I’m new to this; the parenting thing and the being away from my kid thing.  I’m still trying to figure it all out and this was definitely a good lesson learned.  I need to start looking at the big picture more and stop sweating the small stuff.  After a decade the title of that book is finally starting to sink in.

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