Addie Baby

October 26, 2009

A Lemon

Posted by addiebaby under Oliver
[17] Comments

I feel like life gave us a lemon. Don’t get me wrong, I would never want to give it back. This is MY lemon and I love it very much but it’s…well, it’s broken. What’s frustrating is that no matter how many times I try to make lemonade, I just can’t get it right. I need a new recipe. Maybe I’m not adding enough sugar. Am I not paying enough attention while I stir? I want to fix it, but the harder I try the more I’m reminded that life gave me a lemon and I am failing miserably at making lemonade.

One night not too long ago I couldn’t sleep so I was doing some late night reading on the couch with my constant companion Oliver by my side. I was absentmindedly petting him and trying to turn my brain off in the hopes of getting some sleep when my hand felt something odd on his neck. I checked the other side and I felt it over there too. I sat there wondering if maybe this was something that had always been there and I had never noticed it before. But how could that be? With all the time Oliver spends up in my face I don’t know how I could have missed that. It felt as though his glands were swollen. Like maybe he had a cold or a sore throat and needed a little Nyquil and would be good as new. Do dogs get sore throats? Come to think of it, I needed a little Nyquil too. I opened my laptop, turned to my friend google and settled in for a long night of worry.

Ollie’s vet ran some tests and since his blood work looked good, we were sent home with an anti-inflammatory and an order to call back in 5 days to let the doctor know if the lumps had gone down. They hadn’t. In fact, they seemed to be getting bigger. When I reported back Ollie’s doctor said he wanted to see us immediately. After a test to rule out heart worms and exposure to ticks, I was told that they believe Oliver has lymphoma and has 2-6 months to live. Huh? Wha? But that blood test was normal? And he just has swollen glands. I looked at him laying on the floor taking a treat from Addie’s hand. He was chasing his ball around the yard just this morning and he ate Addie’s waffle right off the table at breakfast. It was hard to hear that Ollie was terminally ill when, hours earlier, he was outrunning my kid around the house. I felt like I had been kicked in the chest. I don’t remember how I collected Addie’s books from the exam room floor, or paid for our visit, or got all three of us home in one piece.

It’s been a long three days since hearing that news. I am sitting in my living room looking at my dying (!?) dog and I am so angry. I am angry because he’s only three and three year old dogs don’t have these problems. I am angry because he’s been through more in 2009 than most dogs go through in their entire lifetime. I am angry for selfish reasons too: because Addison is going to lose her best friend. I am angry that I’m going to have to decide when to end his life and that is not fair. That’s not what I signed up for. It’s not fair because he’s only three and he’s a good boy. A few weeks ago I dropped a bottle of wine onto the kitchen floor and a shard of glass flew into one of Oliver’s good legs. He didn’t make a peep. We didn’t even know he had been hurt until the mess had been cleaned up and we were sitting at the table eating dinner and noticed blood on the floor. Ollie doesn’t complain, he doesn’t ask for much and he doesn’t expect anything from anyone.

So I’m angry, yes. But mostly, overwhelmingly, I am sad. Oliver goes in for a biopsy tomorrow and I am praying that his doctor is wrong. I am praying for a miracle. I am praying that I don’t have to explain death to a two year old who, right now, is sitting on her best friend’s bed, putting a shiny purple necklace around his neck. And I am, again, humbly asking for your prayers. You really came through for us back in January when Oliver had his stroke and we thought we were going to lose him. Whether you pray to God (or a few gods), or wish on a star, or rub a statue’s belly, or throw pennies into a fountain, could you please keep our boy in your thoughts while you do it? Life gave us the sweetest lemon and we are not ready to give him up just yet.

October 23, 2009

A glimpse

Posted by addiebaby under A day in the life
[3] Comments

A glimpse into a typical evening at our house. Addison uses the dog and his bed as her personal doll house and Ollie – so used to it by now – barely responds. Most days he doesn’t even flinch until she starts poking him in the face saying, “Ooohhh…pretty eye!”

http://www.vimeo.com/7223588

September 21, 2009

I Almost Forgot

Posted by addiebaby under Odds & Ends
[5] Comments

A few weeks ago I bought a journal. Nothing fancy. A cute little journal with a brown and blue swirly design on the cover. It’s the perfect size to fit into the over-sized purse I carry everywhere in lieu of a diaper bag. I suppose it wasn’t a few weeks ago that I purchased this journal, it was last month. Or possibly late July.

It doesn’t matter. The point – yes, there’s a point! – is that I bought this journal to carry with me to write down all of the thoughts that flow through my head that I may want to blog about. Sometimes Addison will do something I want to write about. Or Addie will be playing at the bookstore and I’ll be daydreaming over a latte and a partial train of thought will flow into and out of my head before it fully forms. And sometimes I’ll grab a napkin or a receipt to write down what I can pull out of it before it leaves me entirely. I want to save that stream of consciousness for later when I have time to sit devote more attention to it. I bought a journal for those instances. It’s supposed to help me remember the things that I so often forget.

Lately, we’ve been in a phase of rapid development around here. New words are popping up in Addie’s vocabulary every day. She’s speaking in sentences which both blows my mind and makes me laugh all day long. Addison is basically potty trained and gets so much joy out of going to the bathroom like a regular person. There are so many thoughts running through my Mommy brain in any given afternoon that I can barely keep up with them. And I always think, ‘Oh, I’ll totally remember this very important moment and write it down later. How could I forget? Who could forget this?’ And then later comes and I sit down at the computer and about all my mind can handle is a round of Mah Jong on Facebook.

This journal; it took me weeks to write in it at all. Every time I went to reach for it in my purse I would decide that whatever it was I was about to commit to paper somehow wasn’t worthy. I don’t know who I think is going to read this journal. Barack Obama will never flip through it to read my notes about potty training (but if he did, he would go right out to the store and buy a bag of M&M’s for a potty prize). It’s also unlikely that Anderson Cooper will ever find my journal and recite, on-air, all of Addison’s new words. Exactly two pages in my journal are covered with incoherent ramblings. I have guilt over not writing things down in the journal. Guilt for purchasing something that is sitting unused and wasted. Guilt about not following through with my plan. What bothers me even more than not writing in the journal? That I actually feel BAD ABOUT IT! I have to break this cycle.

This. All of this. The point of THIS. Was all to say that I forgot to blog about Addison’s first ballet class because I didn’t write it down in my journal.

September 2, 2009

Pictures in the Park

Posted by addiebaby under Addie Baby
[2] Comments

Last Friday Addison and I met some friends in the park to take pictures. We planned this little outing for early in the morning because it’s summer and this is Texas. I feel like that’s all I talk about on this blog ( Hi! It’s summer. did I mention we live just south of Hades? It’s really hot here!) .

Planning activities around the heat is a large part of how I’ve spent every single day since May. I’m so grateful that it’s September. The high here yesterday was only 90. I totally want to make out with September.

We planned our photo shoot for early in the morning and dragged our babies to the park to take some pictures with our ridiculous point & shoot cameras. We’re Mom’s and the lack of a DSLR can’t stop us from photographing our babies. Though, my first purchase when I win the lottery will be a fancy camera.

We’ve had some technical difficulties around our house this summer. Without boring you with the details, I’ll just say that getting pictures or video from my camera and onto a usable computer in a usable format has been rather daunting. So daunting, that I’ve just stopped taking pictures altogether because the 47 steps I need to take to do anything with the files are so ridiculous. Really. That’s no excuse to stop documenting Addie’s growth. When she is 34 years old she’s going to want to know what she looked like and what she was doing between the ages of 18-22 months. Hardware problems be damned! At least that’s what I tell myself.

Even though we were at the park early to take advantage of the cool temperatures and the morning light, it was still HOT. We were sweaty and our babies were sweaty. I didn’t think to bring any toys so Addison would, I don’t know, enjoy herself. It was hard coaxing a smile out of her.

She was pretty happy when I was taking her picture on the rocks and she JUMPED INTO THE POND. Oh, and it was landscaping day, so there were riding mowers zipping around us and grass clippings flying everywhere. Both of the kids broke out into rashes. Oy!

We agreed that real photographers have a rough job. Especially real photographers who live near us, just south of Hades. Of the 225 pictures I took that morning I think there were 15 that were worth saving. Not a great percentage, but even one good photo is worth it.