Family Photos

Last weekend our good friend Nicole agreed to take pictures of our family.  I had talked to her about it in the spring, but I pushed it to the back burner and sort of forgot about it.  Actually, I had a million excuses in my head why it wasn’t a good time to take pictures.

When we heard Ollie’s diagnosis it suddenly became urgent that we capture our family in this moment.  It’s probably not the first thing most people think of when they find out their dog is terminally ill, but we have no photos of the four of us together. 

It was also important to take these pictures before Ollie gets sick.  I didn’t want to be holding him up.  I didn’t want him to be laying there complying only because he’s too weak to move.  I wanted to get photos taken before playing in the park becomes a chore for Oliver instead of something he loves.  As an added bonus, she got some pretty great shots of Addie too.

Ollie and Addie had a great time running around the park even if we did have to bribe them with chicken sticks and M&M’s (respectively) when it came time to snap a photo.  I am so grateful to have these images that capture my family while it’s still whole.

 

We’ve been practicing

 

Two!

One day in August my Mom called me and as soon as I answered the phone, she told me excitedly, “I’ve been working on Addison’s Halloween costume!”  I was about to climb atop my parental high-horse and give her a talking to about how I’m the Mama and I get to decide those things.  Instead I took a deep breath and said, “Oh really?  What is Addison going to be for Halloween?”  (See?  I’m evolving.)  “Dorothy form the Wizard of Oz!”  She was talking in exclamations that day because she was excited about the costume.  I suspect, from her tone of voice, that this was supposed to be a surprise for us, but she couldn’t keep it to herself any longer.  Since I thought that Dorothy was the perfect Halloween costume for my pig-tailed girl and her little black dog, I got excited about it too.  Good thing she didn’t picture Addie as a genocidal maniac.

Since we were having a Halloween themed party for Addison’s second birthday, her costume would also double as her party outfit.  I was thrilled to see how cute it turned out, no alterations needed.  Addison’s Nana flew in from Pittsburgh for a visit a few days before her birthday.  She was a huge help in setting up the festivities and Addison was pretty psyched to have her here so she could show off all of her new tricks.  We invited a lot of Addie’s friends and everyone really got into the spirit by showing up in costume. 

And for the adults who didn’t wear a costume but still wanted to join in on the fun, we had moustaches. 

I was worried, as I always am, about the kids being BORED at the party.  I had some organized games planned in case I caught them sitting around staring at each other, but they weren’t, so we never got around to playing them.  Besides, I don’t think toddlers are crazy about being rounded up for a game of pin-the-nose-on-the-pumpkin when they’re all playing nicely together.

My main goal was for Addison to have a good time at her party because the atmosphere in our house has been a little sad over the past few weeks while we’ve been dealing with Oliver’s medical issues.  For a few hours, I wanted her to have fun and play with her friends and just be 2.  And I was happy to have something else to focus on for a little while too.  I made sure Ollie got lots of love during the party.  He was walking around shaking hands and holding babies and enjoying the attention. 

(photo by Julia S.)

Addison had a blast at her birthday party.  I had been talking to her all week about how her friends were going to come over to celebrate her birthday but I could tell she wasn’t really comprehending what that would mean.   After she got over the initial shock of dozens of people in our home, I could see it all click for her and she really let loose.  I think every kid should look this happy on their birthday.

 

I was hoping the only blog post I would write today would be one wishing Addison a happy birthday.  I know that when Addison reads this in 20 years, she’ll understand why, on her second birthday, I couldn’t focus to edit pictures of her eating her special “A” pancakes, playing at Gymboree, picking out her birthday toy or dancing around in her Halloween costume.  Addison is having a nice birthday.  We are celebrating her and all she is becoming.  The pictures and the stories are coming, they are, but not today.   The cloud hanging over this day is too dark to ignore.  Oliver’s vet called this morning to let us know the results of his biopsy.  Ollie has high-grade malignant lymphoma. 

When we first met Oliver he wasn’t supposed to be a permanent fixture in our lives.  We were supposed to give him a home for two weeks to free up room in one shelter before he was moved to another shelter.  Two weeks.  It was perfect timing; not long enough to get attached, and he would leave our home just days before we were going on vacation.  We were doing a good deed – helping a dog and the over crowded shelter – but not making any commitments.  After one day in our home, I knew that Oliver was meant to be a part of our family.  I don’t know how  but I knew that he belonged here with us.  

As soon as we could we inquired about adopting Oliver and were told he was promised to another shelter.  He may already be spoken for by someone else.  But, if we couldn’t have Oliver they would find us “one of the other dogs”.  That wasn’t an option for me.  I didn’t another dog, Oliver was the one.  I called my Dad very upset (after 2 days!) at the thought of having to give him up to an uncertain fate.  He could end up with some other family that I knew would be totally wrong for him.  My Dad started scheming with me, “Dog’s run away, you know,” he said.  That’s it!  If they try to take Oliver back I will say he ran away.  If they come looking for him, I will hide him!  I don’t know if it was the pregnancy hormones that inspired the insanity in me but I was 100% ready to carry out the runaway dog plan.  It all worked out with no deceit necessary.  My point, is that I knew Oliver was meant to be a part of our family for the rest of his life.  I never imagined that life would be so short.  I know dogs die.  I know that they will eventually break your heart.  But I was picturing a decade with Oliver.  I was picturing Oliver walking with me – and the little girl in my belly - to the bus stop.  I was picturing him sleeping on the floor next to her big girl bed.  I was making plans that are never going to happen. 

I’m trying to find the lesson in all of this.  I know this must be happening for a reason and I’m trying so hard to figure out why, but it’s not clear yet.   Thank you for all of your prayers.  Please continue to pray for our boy and for us; that we will have the clarity to always do what’s best for him.

 

Adding Inuslt

 Ollie is at the vet for his biopsy for most of the day and the house is too quiet without him.  Even with Scott home from work and Addison’s demands the house seems empty without his presence.  I decided that instead of sitting here thinking about what’s missing, I would get out of the house early this morning to pick up some supplies for Addison’s birthday party.

I reluctantly headed to Wal-Mart, having been through the Halloween aisles of Target more times than I care to admit.  I found a some cute activity books for the party favor bags and headed out.  While I was wrangling Addie into the car and she was screaming something  about a cracker (yes, a cracker) Scott called with an update on Oliver.  I was trying to talk to Scott and get my little octopus buckled into her seat at the same time.  Mission accomplished.  I got in the car and drove off.  I made it across the street when I realized that my purse was not sitting on the passenger seat in it’s usual spot.  I hopped out to check the cargo area – nope – not there either.  I jumped in the car and sped back over to Wal-Mart.  Three, four minutes tops had passed since I pulled away.  I went right back to my parking spot – still empty! – but the purse was gone.  GONE!

Some low-life scumbag took my purse right out of the carriage.  Couldn’t have taken what they wanted ($7?) and left it.  Couldn’t have turned it in to customer service.  No, they took it.  I hope they enjoy my $7 and my favorite headband and my Bonnie Bell Lip Smacker.  Ugh…and my new hoop earrings.  I hope they choke on Addison’s graham crackers. 

The credit card companies have been notified but I’m steaming mad.  Would anyone like to come over and kick me in the shins?  Pull Addie’s pigtails?  Break in and steal my wedding albums? 

This is not my week.